I'm back.

[qcontinuum]

I'm being entirely serious here. Pay attention, folks, this is a once-in-a-millennium event.



So I went dimension-hopping, as I said I was gonna in the last post, to talk to Spike. Not in the timeframe where he's got the soulvamp lj; I wanted to talk to him right after he'd started to come to terms with having joined the good guys. (trust me, in his universe one really *can* refer to the "good guys" without falling all over oneself laughing.)

So I popped in on him, and after the "Who the hell are you?" and "What are you doing in my crypt?" and the "Hey, you're not human! I can drink you!" and the "What the fuck is up with your skin?" and me acting all bored with a vampire hanging by his teeth on my invulnerable skin and saying "Are you *quite* finished?"... after we got through all that, I made him an offer. I told him, "I'm omnipotent and I want to talk to you. Think of something you want, and I can give it to you." Of course he wanted the chip out of his head, but I couldn't very well do that without splitting off yet another alternate timeline and that just leads to a terrible mess. So instead I offered to give him a simulacrum human-- a construct who'd appear to be human to all of his puny little vampire senses, but who wouldn't have a soul, so he could drink from it.

He bit. Pun intended. Amusingly, he wanted the construct to look like the Slayer's boyfriend. Jealousy is *such* an ugly emotion.

So I took him to this pub on Dmothen, and introduced him to Romulan ale, and we had a long talk. And then I wiped his memory of the incident and sent him on his merry way. You never want to let a vampire know your weaknesses.

It was his analysis-- and, after much protest and much thought, I have to agree-- that in fact my problem *is* basically the same as his. Except that for me being in love doesn't manifest as overwhelming sexual desire for one particular mortal (actually there are two I'd do in a heartbeat if they asked, but it's not the same thing as actually being in love with them)-- it's more that I'm in love with an entire group of mortals. An entire time period of mortals. And that's never happened to me before.

I used to think I hung around mortals and tested them because I was bored. My role in the Continuum had been *supposed* to be that of a challenger, a rebel, but they made things so rigid there was no meaningful way to rebel. If someone had told me that there would be a war in the Continuum, and my side would win, and there would be meaningful change in the Continuum and I'd have a responsibility for promoting it... but I'd still want to hang around with mortals... I would have told them they were insane. Hang around with *mortals* if there was anything interesting to do in the Continuum?

I know why it is I'm still looking for a distraction. The Continuum is seriously broken, still, and it's hard to relax and enjoy someone's company when a. all your social mores have evolved around arguing and b. everyone has guns. And has used them. I mean, Q simply *don't* sit and talk about the weather (since there isn't any...) We talk about things that make us passionate, and angry. We have shouting matches. We insult each other. That's what we *do*. But now no one dares because they could say or do something that would touch off hostilities again. I've even toned *myself* down to avoid offending people. I wouldn't, but you know, I have a kid to take care of, so getting myself shot to prove a point seems as if it would be rather selfish.

The question then isn't "why do I find it comfortable to spend time observing and interacting with mortals"-- obviously, because they can't *shoot* me-- but why *these* mortals. The timeline of the Continuum is perpendicular to the one these mortals live in. When I leave the Continuum I can come out in any time period I wish, and while I usually don't choose to jump backwards within the lifetime of a single individual I'm interacting with, I'm *not* limited to Earth's 24th century. I could go visit Keth'wyn, or Eshtora, or Brigotto, or Aun (in fact I *should* visit Aun, poor girl's probably going mad now there's no Dominion to fight), any number of mortals I've found interesting over the years. Instead I chose to come out at a time period three years after we drew the humans into our war, when all the people I was interacting with just before the war are still alive.

If it was just humans, I could still have a lot of freedom to maneuver. Could always hit the 23rd century and visit Kirk, maybe in a female form, seduce him and see if he's all he's cracked up to be. (I *have* met him, once, when Q and I were apologizing for the kid's behavior, but it wasn't really conducive to talking to him.) The thing is I don't *want* to. I mean, someday, yeah sure, but I've got eternity and right now, I don't want to go to a point in time when my mortals aren't alive. Spying on these little journal thingies is actually entertaining me more than going and visiting humans in their past or future would be.

I'm in love with these humans.

Hell, I think I even like the Bajoran and the half-Betazoid. They mouth off to me. It's great.

And therein lies the conflict. I'm past treating them as insects. After the war I've learned too well we're not as advanced as we thought we were, and there are actually things we can *learn* from them. I officially declared them sentient after that little test with Picard and the anomaly, and I was proven right when they were able to enter the Continuum and use Q weapons. (Well, okay, Q modified the weapons for them to use, but still.)

I want... to be *friends.* (I'm gagging at the thought, believe me.)

Except that in the Continuum, friends insult each other, and that's what I know how to do. That... doesn't go so far among humans. And now I know why. The Continuum is torn apart because we don't all automatically trust and love one another anymore and so conflict might lead to shooting. Humans *always* live that way. Conflict might always lead to shooting, for them.

But I don't want to change who I *am.* Or present myself in a radically different guise. I don't want people losing respect for me, which tends to happen when they're not frightened any more, and if they respect me and aren't frightened by me they have a bad habit of worshiping me, and I so don't need that right now.

I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what I *want* to do about it or if anything can be done.

I think I will go visit Aun. At least she likes me for who and what I am, without having to present a completely different pose. Also, with the Dominion gone, she probably won't die for another thousand years or so. She'll be around for a while after these others are gone.

Dammit. I'm in love with mayflies. I could blink and they'd all be gone.

I'm going to quit this now before I whine even more.

Comments

[cnslrdeannatroi.livejournal.com]

Hell, I think I even like the Bajoran and the half-Betazoid. They mouth off to me. It's great.

I think it's wonderful that you actually appreciate someone. Very much indicative of some sort of growth as a being.

Dammit. I'm in love with mayflies. I could blink and they'd all be gone.

I hope that is a comment on the natural ephemeral nature of humanity and not a threat....

In any relationship, there are power issues. Less obvious than in any Q/humanoid relationship, but still a factor. The real difficulty in all of this is the fact that you have presented yourself as all-powerful and willing to use your powers at your whimsy before mutual respect could be established. Don't forget the reaction when you appeared on our bridge as a human. If you're serious about wanting to befriend humans, this livejournal arrangement may be a good start -- but it's only the first step.

You may want to be aware, before you begin this grand friendship project, that being in a relationship is often transformational -- the individual changes as a result of association with the other.

Also, prepare for a great deal of skepticism. Mine included. Twice burned, ten times as skeptical.

I am, perhaps to my dismay, not surprised

[timenchanter.livejournal.com]

Q, though it may come as a shock to you to find yet another similarity between the Continuum and humankind, we do share one. I am speaking, in this case, of our shared reticence to share our emotions freely. Since you are being so open and honest, and perhaps due to my shore-leave in old Seattle visiting dear friends, I feel the need to tell you that I have been thinking of you in terms of friendship of late as well. I have missed your random poppings-in. It is, as I believe I have mentioned before, far less exciting a life without you. For further proof of my friendship, look to the elaborate nature of my beratings of your childishness. If I did not care so much for you, I would not bother to vociferate so extensively my objections to some of your behavior. I apologize if this letter may be sending you into apoplexy. I'm only human. -- Jean Luc

Yeah yeah, you too.

[kiranerys.livejournal.com]

Prophets forfend, but you're not as annoying as I remember either. I'm almost glad to have you 'here'. But I'm too smart to buy the 'evil turned good'--that's never gotten anywhere for me. You're just temporarily 'good'. It is a relief to know I'm less than an insect, however. I think, if you continue to be 'good', I could possibly stop being as suspicious of you...but that would take years. However, I think you have the time.

The vampires sound like pah'wraiths, but more conflicted. I'm too lazy to look up Terran legend at the moment, though.

I am interested in this woman, Aun, that you mentioned. No Dominion? Is this a good thing or a bad thing for me? I worry. He has a much longer lifespan than I do, and even if his relatives are evil, I don't want to hear that he's going to come to a shorter end than should be expected.