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qcontinuum) wrote2003-03-30 01:46 am
qcontinuum) wrote2003-03-30 01:46 am
I'm back.
I'm being entirely serious here. Pay attention, folks, this is a once-in-a-millennium event.
So I went dimension-hopping, as I said I was gonna in the last post, to talk to Spike. Not in the timeframe where he's got the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulvamp lj; I wanted to talk to him right after he'd started to come to terms with having joined the good guys. (trust me, in his universe one really *can* refer to the "good guys" without falling all over oneself laughing.)
So I popped in on him, and after the "Who the hell are you?" and "What are you doing in my crypt?" and the "Hey, you're not human! I can drink you!" and the "What the fuck is up with your skin?" and me acting all bored with a vampire hanging by his teeth on my invulnerable skin and saying "Are you *quite* finished?"... after we got through all that, I made him an offer. I told him, "I'm omnipotent and I want to talk to you. Think of something you want, and I can give it to you." Of course he wanted the chip out of his head, but I couldn't very well do that without splitting off yet another alternate timeline and that just leads to a terrible mess. So instead I offered to give him a simulacrum human-- a construct who'd appear to be human to all of his puny little vampire senses, but who wouldn't have a soul, so he could drink from it.
He bit. Pun intended. Amusingly, he wanted the construct to look like the Slayer's boyfriend. Jealousy is *such* an ugly emotion.
So I took him to this pub on Dmothen, and introduced him to Romulan ale, and we had a long talk. And then I wiped his memory of the incident and sent him on his merry way. You never want to let a vampire know your weaknesses.
It was his analysis-- and, after much protest and much thought, I have to agree-- that in fact my problem *is* basically the same as his. Except that for me being in love doesn't manifest as overwhelming sexual desire for one particular mortal (actually there are two I'd do in a heartbeat if they asked, but it's not the same thing as actually being in love with them)-- it's more that I'm in love with an entire group of mortals. An entire time period of mortals. And that's never happened to me before.
I used to think I hung around mortals and tested them because I was bored. My role in the Continuum had been *supposed* to be that of a challenger, a rebel, but they made things so rigid there was no meaningful way to rebel. If someone had told me that there would be a war in the Continuum, and my side would win, and there would be meaningful change in the Continuum and I'd have a responsibility for promoting it... but I'd still want to hang around with mortals... I would have told them they were insane. Hang around with *mortals* if there was anything interesting to do in the Continuum?
I know why it is I'm still looking for a distraction. The Continuum is seriously broken, still, and it's hard to relax and enjoy someone's company when a. all your social mores have evolved around arguing and b. everyone has guns. And has used them. I mean, Q simply *don't* sit and talk about the weather (since there isn't any...) We talk about things that make us passionate, and angry. We have shouting matches. We insult each other. That's what we *do*. But now no one dares because they could say or do something that would touch off hostilities again. I've even toned *myself* down to avoid offending people. I wouldn't, but you know, I have a kid to take care of, so getting myself shot to prove a point seems as if it would be rather selfish.
The question then isn't "why do I find it comfortable to spend time observing and interacting with mortals"-- obviously, because they can't *shoot* me-- but why *these* mortals. The timeline of the Continuum is perpendicular to the one these mortals live in. When I leave the Continuum I can come out in any time period I wish, and while I usually don't choose to jump backwards within the lifetime of a single individual I'm interacting with, I'm *not* limited to Earth's 24th century. I could go visit Keth'wyn, or Eshtora, or Brigotto, or Aun (in fact I *should* visit Aun, poor girl's probably going mad now there's no Dominion to fight), any number of mortals I've found interesting over the years. Instead I chose to come out at a time period three years after we drew the humans into our war, when all the people I was interacting with just before the war are still alive.
If it was just humans, I could still have a lot of freedom to maneuver. Could always hit the 23rd century and visit Kirk, maybe in a female form, seduce him and see if he's all he's cracked up to be. (I *have* met him, once, when Q and I were apologizing for the kid's behavior, but it wasn't really conducive to talking to him.) The thing is I don't *want* to. I mean, someday, yeah sure, but I've got eternity and right now, I don't want to go to a point in time when my mortals aren't alive. Spying on these little journal thingies is actually entertaining me more than going and visiting humans in their past or future would be.
I'm in love with these humans.
Hell, I think I even like the Bajoran and the half-Betazoid. They mouth off to me. It's great.
And therein lies the conflict. I'm past treating them as insects. After the war I've learned too well we're not as advanced as we thought we were, and there are actually things we can *learn* from them. I officially declared them sentient after that little test with Picard and the anomaly, and I was proven right when they were able to enter the Continuum and use Q weapons. (Well, okay, Q modified the weapons for them to use, but still.)
I want... to be *friends.* (I'm gagging at the thought, believe me.)
Except that in the Continuum, friends insult each other, and that's what I know how to do. That... doesn't go so far among humans. And now I know why. The Continuum is torn apart because we don't all automatically trust and love one another anymore and so conflict might lead to shooting. Humans *always* live that way. Conflict might always lead to shooting, for them.
But I don't want to change who I *am.* Or present myself in a radically different guise. I don't want people losing respect for me, which tends to happen when they're not frightened any more, and if they respect me and aren't frightened by me they have a bad habit of worshiping me, and I so don't need that right now.
I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what I *want* to do about it or if anything can be done.
I think I will go visit Aun. At least she likes me for who and what I am, without having to present a completely different pose. Also, with the Dominion gone, she probably won't die for another thousand years or so. She'll be around for a while after these others are gone.
Dammit. I'm in love with mayflies. I could blink and they'd all be gone.
I'm going to quit this now before I whine even more.
So I went dimension-hopping, as I said I was gonna in the last post, to talk to Spike. Not in the timeframe where he's got the
soulvamp lj; I wanted to talk to him right after he'd started to come to terms with having joined the good guys. (trust me, in his universe one really *can* refer to the "good guys" without falling all over oneself laughing.)So I popped in on him, and after the "Who the hell are you?" and "What are you doing in my crypt?" and the "Hey, you're not human! I can drink you!" and the "What the fuck is up with your skin?" and me acting all bored with a vampire hanging by his teeth on my invulnerable skin and saying "Are you *quite* finished?"... after we got through all that, I made him an offer. I told him, "I'm omnipotent and I want to talk to you. Think of something you want, and I can give it to you." Of course he wanted the chip out of his head, but I couldn't very well do that without splitting off yet another alternate timeline and that just leads to a terrible mess. So instead I offered to give him a simulacrum human-- a construct who'd appear to be human to all of his puny little vampire senses, but who wouldn't have a soul, so he could drink from it.
He bit. Pun intended. Amusingly, he wanted the construct to look like the Slayer's boyfriend. Jealousy is *such* an ugly emotion.
So I took him to this pub on Dmothen, and introduced him to Romulan ale, and we had a long talk. And then I wiped his memory of the incident and sent him on his merry way. You never want to let a vampire know your weaknesses.
It was his analysis-- and, after much protest and much thought, I have to agree-- that in fact my problem *is* basically the same as his. Except that for me being in love doesn't manifest as overwhelming sexual desire for one particular mortal (actually there are two I'd do in a heartbeat if they asked, but it's not the same thing as actually being in love with them)-- it's more that I'm in love with an entire group of mortals. An entire time period of mortals. And that's never happened to me before.
I used to think I hung around mortals and tested them because I was bored. My role in the Continuum had been *supposed* to be that of a challenger, a rebel, but they made things so rigid there was no meaningful way to rebel. If someone had told me that there would be a war in the Continuum, and my side would win, and there would be meaningful change in the Continuum and I'd have a responsibility for promoting it... but I'd still want to hang around with mortals... I would have told them they were insane. Hang around with *mortals* if there was anything interesting to do in the Continuum?
I know why it is I'm still looking for a distraction. The Continuum is seriously broken, still, and it's hard to relax and enjoy someone's company when a. all your social mores have evolved around arguing and b. everyone has guns. And has used them. I mean, Q simply *don't* sit and talk about the weather (since there isn't any...) We talk about things that make us passionate, and angry. We have shouting matches. We insult each other. That's what we *do*. But now no one dares because they could say or do something that would touch off hostilities again. I've even toned *myself* down to avoid offending people. I wouldn't, but you know, I have a kid to take care of, so getting myself shot to prove a point seems as if it would be rather selfish.
The question then isn't "why do I find it comfortable to spend time observing and interacting with mortals"-- obviously, because they can't *shoot* me-- but why *these* mortals. The timeline of the Continuum is perpendicular to the one these mortals live in. When I leave the Continuum I can come out in any time period I wish, and while I usually don't choose to jump backwards within the lifetime of a single individual I'm interacting with, I'm *not* limited to Earth's 24th century. I could go visit Keth'wyn, or Eshtora, or Brigotto, or Aun (in fact I *should* visit Aun, poor girl's probably going mad now there's no Dominion to fight), any number of mortals I've found interesting over the years. Instead I chose to come out at a time period three years after we drew the humans into our war, when all the people I was interacting with just before the war are still alive.
If it was just humans, I could still have a lot of freedom to maneuver. Could always hit the 23rd century and visit Kirk, maybe in a female form, seduce him and see if he's all he's cracked up to be. (I *have* met him, once, when Q and I were apologizing for the kid's behavior, but it wasn't really conducive to talking to him.) The thing is I don't *want* to. I mean, someday, yeah sure, but I've got eternity and right now, I don't want to go to a point in time when my mortals aren't alive. Spying on these little journal thingies is actually entertaining me more than going and visiting humans in their past or future would be.
I'm in love with these humans.
Hell, I think I even like the Bajoran and the half-Betazoid. They mouth off to me. It's great.
And therein lies the conflict. I'm past treating them as insects. After the war I've learned too well we're not as advanced as we thought we were, and there are actually things we can *learn* from them. I officially declared them sentient after that little test with Picard and the anomaly, and I was proven right when they were able to enter the Continuum and use Q weapons. (Well, okay, Q modified the weapons for them to use, but still.)
I want... to be *friends.* (I'm gagging at the thought, believe me.)
Except that in the Continuum, friends insult each other, and that's what I know how to do. That... doesn't go so far among humans. And now I know why. The Continuum is torn apart because we don't all automatically trust and love one another anymore and so conflict might lead to shooting. Humans *always* live that way. Conflict might always lead to shooting, for them.
But I don't want to change who I *am.* Or present myself in a radically different guise. I don't want people losing respect for me, which tends to happen when they're not frightened any more, and if they respect me and aren't frightened by me they have a bad habit of worshiping me, and I so don't need that right now.
I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what I *want* to do about it or if anything can be done.
I think I will go visit Aun. At least she likes me for who and what I am, without having to present a completely different pose. Also, with the Dominion gone, she probably won't die for another thousand years or so. She'll be around for a while after these others are gone.
Dammit. I'm in love with mayflies. I could blink and they'd all be gone.
I'm going to quit this now before I whine even more.
no subject
I think it's wonderful that you actually appreciate someone. Very much indicative of some sort of growth as a being.
Dammit. I'm in love with mayflies. I could blink and they'd all be gone.
I hope that is a comment on the natural ephemeral nature of humanity and not a threat....
In any relationship, there are power issues. Less obvious than in any Q/humanoid relationship, but still a factor. The real difficulty in all of this is the fact that you have presented yourself as all-powerful and willing to use your powers at your whimsy before mutual respect could be established. Don't forget the reaction when you appeared on our bridge as a human. If you're serious about wanting to befriend humans, this livejournal arrangement may be a good start -- but it's only the first step.
You may want to be aware, before you begin this grand friendship project, that being in a relationship is often transformational -- the individual changes as a result of association with the other.
Also, prepare for a great deal of skepticism. Mine included. Twice burned, ten times as skeptical.
no subject
Oh, don't get me wrong-- I always appreciated you people. Why do you think I kept coming back?
The thing about interacting with mortals is that, very often, they do one of two things: Throw up their hands to ward off the evil eye, or fall to their knees in worship. You didn't do either. You, and Picard, and Yar (and Data, but he wasn't scared so he doesn't count) all stood up to me when I was showing myself off as an uberthreat, you kept your heads (mostly), you had arguments that made sense, and you solved the stupid puzzle even though I kept annoying you and interfering with your ability to do it.
I was trying to provoke you into proving that you don't live up to your own ideals under stress (by which I mean your human side, although I suppose Betazoid ideals aren't much different), and you didn't fall for it. You *did* live up to your ideals. Most species don't. Which, in case you're curious, is why Klingons ended up looking like humans with really bushy eyebrows for about 20 years. They failed a test. (Wasn't my test. I don't like Klingons enough to test them.)
So, you know, I might have bent the truth here and there, but you're probably the only mortal who knows just how damn sincere I was when I told Picard he was the closest thing I had to a friend in the universe. (Actually, there is someone who would have been a lot more willing to take care of me, but since she was a professional rebel and constantly under fire, I was hoping for something just a trifle safer.) The stunts I've pulled on your ship have been for Picard's benefit specifically or the benefit of humans in general since after Riker (thankfully) refused to become a Q. (Yes, even the Borg, though I admit I could have been a lot nicer about that one.) I've had a lot of respect for you all along, although I wasn't quite ready to admit it to you.
I hope that is a comment on the natural ephemeral nature of humanity and not a threat....
Whoops. No threat. Q don't lose control of their powers and we consider genocide a Bad Idea unless the entire Continuum agrees it must be done, and right now, we can't get the entire Continuum to agree on *anything.* I mean that you don't last very long. And if I'm finding it boring to spend time in time periods when you're not all alive now, I'm going to be royally screwed when you're all dead unless I get over it.
You may want to be aware, before you begin this grand friendship project, that being in a relationship is often transformational -- the individual changes as a result of association with the other.
I've already changed as a result of interacting with humans. If I hadn't decided I liked humans, tested them and declared them sentient, they wouldn't have been given permission to decide an issue important to the Continuum, and then Q wouldn't have killed himself and the war wouldn't have happened and everything would be different. My whole *species* has changed because of my association with humans. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing-- it's something I wanted and worked for for millions of years, though, so I can't say I can blame anyone else.
Also, prepare for a great deal of skepticism. Mine included. Twice burned, ten times as skeptical.
Yeah yeah yeah. I know, I know. You didn't believe me when you knew I was desperate and mortal, why would you believe me now?
I am, perhaps to my dismay, not surprised
Re: I am, perhaps to my dismay, not surprised
Yeah yeah, you too.
Prophets forfend, but you're not as annoying as I remember either. I'm almost glad to have you 'here'. But I'm too smart to buy the 'evil turned good'--that's never gotten anywhere for me. You're just temporarily 'good'. It is a relief to know I'm less than an insect, however. I think, if you continue to be 'good', I could possibly stop being as suspicious of you...but that would take years. However, I think you have the time.
The vampires sound like pah'wraiths, but more conflicted. I'm too lazy to look up Terran legend at the moment, though.
I am interested in this woman, Aun, that you mentioned. No Dominion? Is this a good thing or a bad thing for me? I worry. He has a much longer lifespan than I do, and even if his relatives are evil, I don't want to hear that he's going to come to a shorter end than should be expected.
Oh, hey, I never said I was *good*.
I'm neither good nor evil; I operate on a different moral structure than you do. The only thing that changes is whether I decide to play by your people's rules, or not. By all means keep being suspicious of me. I wouldn't want people to think I was *tame*.
And no worries about your boyfriend. I didn't actually mean the Dominion was going away-- actually Aun is alive right now and rather at loose ends because the Dominion is in too much internal upheaval to be able to control its satellite planets, so all hell is breaking loose over there. Basically, same situation you were in when the Cardassians actually pulled out, except no Federation to come in and try to smooth the transition, and no tradition of unity *before* the Dominion forced it through conquest. She hasn't got a clue what to do with her life now that there's no one to rebel against. I am ashamed to say that while I was tied up with Continuum business I almost completely forgot about her. Since I'm responsible for where she is and what she's doing, I suspect that's a bad thing.
Re: Oh, hey, I never said I was *good*.
As I said elsewhere, you need to know that you matter to others. That's something else you have in common with Humans, and every other sentient species.
Of course, sometimes that 'recognition' can be achieved by positive actions on your part; at other times, acting in a provactive manner produces stronger or more rapid reactions.